Forum

Full Version: Identity - How do you call yourself?
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
What do you call yourself? An ex-crossdresser, or a crossdresser, or a crossdresser in recovery, or a trans Christian, or an ex-trans Christian?  I'm not sure what we should call ourselves.

When it comes to same-sex attraction, there is a controversy in the Church, even among those who all agree that giving in physically to same-sex attraction is a sin. There are some Christians who I respect greatly who experience same sex attraction but do not want to call themselves "gay Christians" because they don't want to associate their temptation to sin as part of their identity. There are some Christians who I respect greatly who experience same sex attraction and who call themselves "gay Christians" even though they are committed to following Christ, not giving in to sin, and therefore are living celibate lives. 

This issue recently came up in the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church of America. Here is a very powerful video clip and testimony from the discussions they had:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkWdMBQy...e=youtu.be


I tend towards the argument that says we should not go "gay Christian" if we are a Christian who has same sex attraction. But I don't want to be legalistic on that issue. I can really see both viewpoints, and they both make sense.  What do you think?

When it comes to crossdressing, there isn't a handy term like "gay" to describe us. The closest that we get is Transgendered or Transvestite. Neither of those are very helpful. "Transvestite" has mostly fallen out of use, and I think it would mainly describe someone who is actually giving in to the behavior. "Transgendered" would only fit for those who are experiencing some kind of gender dysphoria, and not many of us who used to crossdress. I also think "transgendered" would not fit most of the people in this community well because we don't believe that it is right to try to live like the opposite sex, we aren't giving in. We are living as men, not living "trans" lives.

I'm not sure what term we should use.  I know for me, I don't like going by crossdresser, because it's not a primary part of my identity. And I'm also not giving in to those temptations.  Maybe best is just saying, "I am Christian who sometimes experiences desires to crossdress but I don't give in."  That's long, but sometimes there just isn't a short way to describe it. I would even want to add that I am experiencing less desire to crossdress with each passing year.

What do you think?
Very interesting topic Barnabas. And one I have not come to any conclusions about personally. I have refrained from calling myself transgender, although my issues are different than the typical crossdresser it seems (at least the ones in the prayer group and the issues they discuss, which are not my issues). And so I don't identify as a crossdresser either. I know I'm not gay, but for those with same-sex attraction (SSA) I can see what a conundrum it must be figuring out how to identify. I think if you have faith in Jesus, and are committed to living a celibate life, then calling yourself a gay Christian may be a good option if you use that as a springboard to speak about the Lord to gay people. But if you no longer have much contact with gay people, then calling yourself a gay Christian doesn't seem to make as much sense . . .
It's tough to know, and even harder to describe yourself to people in your life. Transgenderism has gotten all the press in recent years, so I feel like people would understand to some degree if you say that "I have gender dysphoria" or "I am transgender." But with you or me it's a bit more complicated. I suppose both of us could call ourselves ex-crossdressers, even though each of us used to do it for different reasons. I don't know for sure, but I feel like in the past, in psychological books, both you and I would be labeled transvestites, even if we had different drives for doing the activity. It's tough to know. Labels sometimes are unhelpful anyway because they take so much unpacking and definitions and explanation in these cases
Well I know I don't have gender dysphoria, although there certainly are still times I would rather be a woman. As the question has never come up asking whether I am transgender I haven't had to answer that. To myself I say no (to God I say I'm not either), but to someone who has some knowledge on the subject I don't know any other readily understandable term to use. A long description as you mentioned above is just awkward, so I'm not sure how to respond.

There's a group here having a special prayer meeting for transgender people which I will be going to Wednesday night. It should be interesting! I will not be describing myself as transgender there . . .
(07-12-2019, 08:04 AM)Barnabas Wrote: [ -> ]Identity is a very important topic/issue in the restoration of our whole self!  Instead of rewritting all of  my thoughts I've pasted a link to a blog entry on the topic...https://prodigalminis.wpengine.com/the-gay-identity-construct/

Carry on to good works,

Jerry <><





What do you call yourself? An ex-crossdresser, or a crossdresser, or a crossdresser in recovery, or a trans Christian, or an ex-trans Christian?  I'm not sure what we should call ourselves.

When it comes to same-sex attraction, there is a controversy in the Church, even among those who all agree that giving in physically to same-sex attraction is a sin. There are some Christians who I respect greatly who experience same sex attraction but do not want to call themselves "gay Christians" because they don't want to associate their temptation to sin as part of their identity. There are some Christians who I respect greatly who experience same sex attraction and who call themselves "gay Christians" even though they are committed to following Christ, not giving in to sin, and therefore are living celibate lives. 

This issue recently came up in the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church of America. Here is a very powerful video clip and testimony from the discussions they had:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkWdMBQy...e=youtu.be


I tend towards the argument that says we should not go "gay Christian" if we are a Christian who has same sex attraction. But I don't want to be legalistic on that issue. I can really see both viewpoints, and they both make sense.  What do you think?

When it comes to crossdressing, there isn't a handy term like "gay" to describe us. The closest that we get is Transgendered or Transvestite. Neither of those are very helpful. "Transvestite" has mostly fallen out of use, and I think it would mainly describe someone who is actually giving in to the behavior. "Transgendered" would only fit for those who are experiencing some kind of gender dysphoria, and not many of us who used to crossdress. I also think "transgendered" would not fit most of the people in this community well because we don't believe that it is right to try to live like the opposite sex, we aren't giving in. We are living as men, not living "trans" lives.

I'm not sure what term we should use.  I know for me, I don't like going by crossdresser, because it's not a primary part of my identity. And I'm also not giving in to those temptations.  Maybe best is just saying, "I am Christian who sometimes experiences desires to crossdress but I don't give in."  That's long, but sometimes there just isn't a short way to describe it. I would even want to add that I am experiencing less desire to crossdress with each passing year.

What do you think?
Thanks Jerry, good post!
A general thought- I wouldn't criticize anyone for using it, but personally I don't care for the term "gay" for anyone, since it is a euphemism to soften the term "homosexual". The word gay used to mean happy and lively, but was usurped, and its new meaning is the only one most people know.

I now consider myself to be a "recovering cross-dresser". I hope someday to call myself a "recovered cross-dresser", but I can't define what that would look like. It's probably different for each of us, but I suspect I'll know it when I get there.
Bear in mind also that "Gay" is also still peoples names!
In the past, when thinking I have often called my self girl, as in "you could have done that better girl" or "thats not a good look girl" I dont think I ever did this out loud, unless I was dressed up. I did go out several times to a group, where I used feminine pronouns and my female name Kathy. 

I am trying to break this habit since deciding to stop crossdressing but still find it slips easily and unbidden into my thoughts. Hopefully this will get less as my journey back to masculinity continues.
(02-18-2021, 06:48 AM)keith Wrote: [ -> ]In the past, when thinking I have often called my self girl, as in "you could have done that better girl" or "thats not a good look girl" I dont think I ever did this out loud, unless I was dressed up. I did go out several times to a group, where I used feminine pronouns and my female name Kathy. 

I am trying to break this habit since deciding to stop crossdressing but still find it slips easily and unbidden into my thoughts. Hopefully this will get less as my journey back to masculinity continues.

I think this is a common experience among crossdressers, speaking to ourselves in that way when we used to still crossdress. It helps to build the false reality we try to make. But it's no more real or true than kids playing dress up.