What tempts you?

[Barnabas]

What specific items or events trigger temptations for you and what strategies have you found to overcome those specific incidences?

[keith]

What specific items or events trigger temptations for you and what strategies have you found to overcome those specific incidences?

There is a wedding and ballgown hire close to were I live. They often have lovely dresses hanging in the window and I often drool when looking at them and wondering what I would look like wearing one. A few weeks ago they had a red ballgown very similar to Jessica Rabbit's (from who framed roger rabbit). I would have given anything to be able to try that dress on, with a full make over of course. 

I have actually worn a wedding dress just the once and it fitted extremely well (uk size 20) I thought I looked great, no make up, or shoes, In my head I would love to repeat that with all the bells and whistles.

So what stops me. The realisation that its only my imagination making me look good and the reality which I have seen in various photo's just looks ridiculous. If I want to bring myself back to reality I just need to think about what I actually looked like in those pictures - hideous - to calm me down. The desire might still be there but held in check by reality.

[Barnabas]

That's interesting. I and many others have used that same strategy to diffuse crossdressing temptations as they come. But I often wonder about something. There are crossdressers who actually look good, so I would suppose this doesn't work for them, especially if they crossdress before others and are praised for their appearance.  I have and still do utilize your strategy, but I think there needs to be much more behind it, otherwise it's too easy to find ways around that, especially through our self-deception. If you crossdress alone, and you look good in the mirror (even if in reality you look hideous) then this strategy again can fail that way.

I think it may be better in the moment to remind ourselves of the deeper reasons we don't want to crossdress, the deeper reasons why we know crossdressing is harmful in our lives. Perhaps reflecting on the confusion it causes, the memories of out of control addiction, etc. No reason you can't use your strategy at the same time, but I don't want to rely on any strategy that simply boils down to me telling myself I won't appear well or it won't be pleasurable, because the reality is that it sometimes will be pleasurable (for the moment) or appear good. So we need to remind ourselves over and over why we made the decision to stop, remind ourselves how it truly makes us feel.

To end, your strategy works much better if you keep a beard. Then you will really have no chance of looking good.   Try it

[keith]

That's interesting. I and many others have used that same strategy to diffuse crossdressing temptations as they come. But I often wonder about something. There are crossdressers who actually look good, so I would suppose this doesn't work for them, especially if they crossdress before others and are praised for their appearance.  I have and still do utilize your strategy, but I think there needs to be much more behind it, otherwise it's too easy to find ways around that, especially through our self-deception. If you crossdress alone, and you look good in the mirror (even if in reality you look hideous) then this strategy again can fail that way.

I think it may be better in the moment to remind ourselves of the deeper reasons we don't want to crossdress, the deeper reasons why we know crossdressing is harmful in our lives. Perhaps reflecting on the confusion it causes, the memories of out of control addiction, etc. No reason you can't use your strategy at the same time, but I don't want to rely on any strategy that simply boils down to me telling myself I won't appear well or it won't be pleasurable, because the reality is that it sometimes will be pleasurable (for the moment) or appear good. So we need to remind ourselves over and over why we made the decision to stop, remind ourselves how it truly makes us feel.

To end, your strategy works much better if you keep a beard. Then you will really have no chance of looking good.   Try it

Thanks for the confirmation of my photo strategy Barnabas. It is not the only tool but at the moment I find it a very persuasive one as a first defence. I also am triggered by shopping trips with the wife when they involve her looking for a new bra. I of course have a good excuse for rummaging among the goodies whilst looking for my own size and fit (40b balcony) which as I have fairly large man boobs I am not far of actually filling out, a curse as I have always wanted a bra to fit me properly with no padding. I also find bras to be the one item that I would wear more than even panties as they are the one item of clothing that only women need and therefore seem to be the ultimate expression of womanhood. My current counter to this is thus: I had until last november been routinely wearing bra and knickers under my male clothes. So sex with wife was always preplanned and at set times, occasional spontaneous events were a worry should I be wearing said items as this would be an instant show stopper for her. Since telling her that I have stopped crossdressing spontaneous sex has become much more frequent and of course entails no worry as there is nothing to hide. So that is strategy number two: dress less more sex!

[Barnabas]

Keith, thank you for sharing about the change in your marriage! That is so encouraging. Crossdressing so easily becomes a replacement for intimacy with our wives, in many different ways. It gave me joy to read of this positive change you are now experiencing!

[Signpost]

I am tempted by a constant reminder that I am not anyone's match. There is no "other me" who knows me so well, we finish each other's sentences. I settled for my wife, whom I found on a Christian dating site. We love each other but have almost nothing in common. She will not dress any way I ask, but I have to dress the way she expects. So when I see something I like, my only other choice is to return to lusting after strangers ("soft porn"?) or wear the darn thing myself and take a selfie using an app that can make me look like a woman.

[Signpost]

I don't have disphoria toward my body. I have it toward the limited variety of clothes I'm confined to. Men tried hard in the '70s to make suits of different colors than black, but that faded out quickly. I don't necessarily want frilly or feminine; I just want different- not the same old boring, predictable standby. I would love to try clothes that men from other countries wear, but those are hard to get in the US.