grateful
#1
As a wife of a CD'er, I really appreciate this topic.  (By the way, if it is not good for a wife to be posting here - if it hinders anyone - please let me know!!!)  I struggle with wondering (fearing) whether my husband is a homosexual, has tendencies or longings to be, fantasizes when crossdressed about sex with a man (or woman for that matter, but that's not the point of this thread), etc.  I ask my husband and he denies having any sort of homosexual feelings.  Because of broken trust in the past, I have a hard time completely believing what my husband tells me.  I hope that in this discussion I can get an idea of the numbers who DO and who DO NOT have homosexual involvement (even if only in their minds).  I look forward to getting some honest thoughts from other (past or present) crossdressers.
Life is hard, but God is good. 
             - Pam Thum
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#2
(03-30-2019, 11:02 AM)Karen Wrote: As a wife of a CD'er, I really appreciate this topic.  (By the way, if it is not good for a wife to be posting here - if it hinders anyone - please let me know!!!)  I struggle with wondering (fearing) whether my husband is a homosexual, has tendencies or longings to be, fantasizes when crossdressed about sex with a man (or woman for that matter, but that's not the point of this thread), etc.  I ask my husband and he denies having any sort of homosexual feelings.  Because of broken trust in the past, I have a hard time completely believing what my husband tells me.  I hope that in this discussion I can get an idea of the numbers who DO and who DO NOT have homosexual involvement (even if only in their minds).  I look forward to getting some honest thoughts from other (past or present) crossdressers.

Karen, you are very welcome to post anywhere in the forums.

I was going to post a similar question today as well.  I don't know for sure, but I would guess that most crossdressers are 100% heterosexual, but that some of them still engage in homosexual fantasy or even act out certain homosexual scenarios while dressed. From what I've read in the past, I think this is due more to truly trying to experience the full experience of being a woman. It's a pleasurable turn on from being desired by the man, not that the crossdresser is truly attracted to the man. It's a pleasurable experience because of watching oneself act out the sexual encounter as a woman. It's the idea of it. Not the draw to the man himself.

I know that in crossdressing fiction there is a lot of this type of thing. A lot of crossdressed boys who end up being forced to date boys, or crossdressed men finding themselves falling in love with other men. Or two boys crossdressing and masturbating together while crossdressing.  That sort of thing. I'm sorry if these things are disturbing. It's the reality though.

Quite a number of crossdressers and former crossdressers have unfortunately engaged in homosexual encounters and confessed about them. Most of them feel terrible shame from what they've done. I think in their case it's very different from a homosexual, say a Christian homosexual, who regrets his sin.  The crossdresser feels shame and regret, not just because they did something sinful, but they know they did something that really goes against their nature and true desires. They didn't really want a homosexual encounter, but went for it as part of the fantasy of being a woman, and then they felt awful afterward.

I don't think you should live in fear abut your husband.  Most crossdressers never take things so far. Even if he continued crossdressing for the rest of his life, there is still a good chance that he would never want to take it in that direction. I'm not guaranteeing you. Anything is possible with someone who has a sexual addiction. Most of these men getting surgery to live as women never imagined that they would so 20 years prior.

Keep praying for your husband, and keep trying to keep open communication
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 –
13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.


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#3
(03-30-2019, 11:32 PM)Barnabas Wrote:
(03-30-2019, 11:02 AM)Karen Wrote: As a wife of a CD'er, I really appreciate this topic.  (By the way, if it is not good for a wife to be posting here - if it hinders anyone - please let me know!!!)  I struggle with wondering (fearing) whether my husband is a homosexual, has tendencies or longings to be, fantasizes when crossdressed about sex with a man (or woman for that matter, but that's not the point of this thread), etc.  I ask my husband and he denies having any sort of homosexual feelings.  Because of broken trust in the past, I have a hard time completely believing what my husband tells me.  I hope that in this discussion I can get an idea of the numbers who DO and who DO NOT have homosexual involvement (even if only in their minds).  I look forward to getting some honest thoughts from other (past or present) crossdressers.

Karen, you are very welcome to post anywhere in the forums.

I was going to post a similar question today as well.  I don't know for sure, but I would guess that most crossdressers are 100% heterosexual, but that some of them still engage in homosexual fantasy or even act out certain homosexual scenarios while dressed. From what I've read in the past, I think this is due more to truly trying to experience the full experience of being a woman. It's a pleasurable turn on from being desired by the man, not that the crossdresser is truly attracted to the man. It's a pleasurable experience because of watching oneself act out the sexual encounter as a woman. It's the idea of it. Not the draw to the man himself.

I know that in crossdressing fiction there is a lot of this type of thing. A lot of crossdressed boys who end up being forced to date boys, or crossdressed men finding themselves falling in love with other men. Or two boys crossdressing and masturbating together while crossdressing.  That sort of thing. I'm sorry if these things are disturbing. It's the reality though.

Quite a number of crossdressers and former crossdressers have unfortunately engaged in homosexual encounters and confessed about them. Most of them feel terrible shame from what they've done. I think in their case it's very different from a homosexual, say a Christian homosexual, who regrets his sin.  The crossdresser feels shame and regret, not just because they did something sinful, but they know they did something that really goes against their nature and true desires. They didn't really want a homosexual encounter, but went for it as part of the fantasy of being a woman, and then they felt awful afterward.

I don't think you should live in fear abut your husband.  Most crossdressers never take things so far. Even if he continued crossdressing for the rest of his life, there is still a good chance that he would never want to take it in that direction. I'm not guaranteeing you. Anything is possible with someone who has a sexual addiction. Most of these men getting surgery to live as women never imagined that they would so 20 years prior.

Keep praying for your husband, and keep trying to keep open communication
Thanks so much for your response, Barnabas.  That is exactly the sort of thing I'm hoping to get input on.  I expect that with all your experience and working with crossdressers, your thoughts on this subject are pretty right on.  It completely makes sense to me that those men who do get into some sort of homosexual experience related to crossdressing, don't do it because of having homosexual desires, but because it is a part of their desire to experience womanhood.  That explanation relieves my mind a bit, though I'd still feel cheated on if it were to happen in my marriage.  It IS cheating; the fact that the cheating was for a different need fulfillment doesn't change that.  That whole "experiencing being a woman" thing scares me because of the push (by supporters of various gender differences) to "do what feels right," "meet your inner needs," etc.  Not all of our desires are meant to be fulfilled!
Life is hard, but God is good. 
             - Pam Thum
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#4
I have often read that the vast majority of male CDers are heterosexual. The temptation is if men find your CD self attractive that makes the CDer feel affirmed and it feels good, but that doesn't necessarily lead to homosexual acts, and probably only occurs in a very small percentage of cases. I don't have any statistics, I don't know if there are any. I can speak from my own experience, though, and my CDing never lead me down a path to homosexual relationships.
I hope that can be some consolation to you Karen.
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#5
(04-15-2019, 12:19 AM)kyork Wrote: I have often read that the vast majority of male CDers are heterosexual. The temptation is if men find your CD self attractive that makes the CDer feel affirmed and it feels good, but that doesn't necessarily lead to homosexual acts, and probably only occurs in a very small percentage of cases.  I don't have any statistics, I don't know if there are any.  I can speak from my own experience, though, and my CDing never lead me down a path to homosexual relationships.
I hope that can be some consolation to you Karen.

Thank you, kyork, that is helpful.  I appreciate your input.
Life is hard, but God is good. 
             - Pam Thum
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