Hello!
#1
I am so happy to have this beautiful new forum, and I look forward to sharing with everyone from the old site.  As an intro, I will share what I wrote to Barnabas in my application to join this group.  It was supposed to be short...ha!

I am married; children all adults and gone from home.  I knew of my husband's crossdressing before we married, but at that time it was only related to "he enjoyed the feel of the clothing..."  We sometimes made it a part of our sex life, because it was a big turn on for him.  After a couple of years I felt like that had become our ONLY sex life, and I had become more of an object to him.  I wanted to be open-minded and accepting, but did not want any more involvement with it.  We agreed he would dress up if he wanted, but only when I was not home.  Apparently, for about 10 years or more he kind of lost interest in crossdressing.  Then, I got the shock that many women get when they find out about their husband's secret...about 2 - 3 years ago, my husband decided he was going to go out in public.  He began full dressing up, including wig & makeup (which he'd told me early on that he had no interest in) and even breast forms (which I'd never realized existed!).  This was a shock to me because he had been doing this - full dressing and going out in public - for several months.  I had no idea, as he works midnight shift and keeps a different schedule than I do.  Once I learned that he'd begun doing this, and had even built relationships with a couple folks who knew him in his female persona, I was quite devastated.  I felt like he'd cheated on me.  He insists there is no sexual component to his current crossdressing.  I have no evidence otherwise, but because of the history with clothing-only crossdressing from about 15 years ago, I sometimes struggle to believe their is no sex involved.  We came to a crossroads, and I left for a couple of days.  I did not feel I could continue our marriage with him dressing as he was/taking on a complete female persona.  He insisted he would NOT give it up, even if it meant losing our marriage.  After a couple days apart, we agreed we wanted the marriage to work, and we reached a compromise.  Because I felt the most hurtful part of all of this was his developing relationships with others (most of all, one particular woman), I decided I would only accept his going out in public if he was with me.  That meant I needed to see him in his full female dress.  We did go out once every week or two together with him dressed up, but I was SO uncomfortable.  I wish I'd never made that agreement, because it is taking a long time to get the vision of my dear husband as a female out of my head.  Anyway, I began to realize my biggest concern with the whole thing (besides that I flat out feel it is an addiction and completely inappropriate), is the lack of sex life and closeness the two of us have had.  In counseling (which was bad in important ways, but helpful in some), I learned that my husband was holding an extreme amount of anger toward me...and had been trying to make that clear to me, though I never "heard" him properly.  It was an entirely different issue, and it took me quite a while to understand and to change my general bossy, demanding, sometimes unkind ways.  However, I've changed my attitude a lot as far as listening to him (not necessarily about CDing, but in general conversation), and he's learned to trust me more.  I've changed to a different, great Christian counselor, and am learning to take care of ME.  At this time in my life, that means continuing in my marriage, NOT having anything to do with hubby's crossdressing, and trusting him to be open and honest with me about whatever he does.  He has agreed not to ramp up his CD-related behavior in any way without talking to me first.  We've worked hard to establish a closer relationship...yes, it has been VERY hard.  But I can say that we actually have begun to develop a decent sex life and are learning to love each other better.  It is still difficult.  He knows that I don't like his CDing.  I know that he intends to continue it.  I pray often that he will draw so close to God that he will WANT to give up the crossdressing.  God has restored our marriage (as He actually told me He would!), and I am expecting that in time He will answer my prayers about my husband's living out his salvation.  Well, that wasn't short, but it is an overview of my situation.  Smile
Life is hard, but God is good. 
             - Pam Thum
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#2
Karen, I'm sorry that more wives have not responded to you. At least we can be grateful for the wives prayer group which is working well.
Give it time. It will take time for more people to find the blog and register on the forum, but I know that those wives are out there. If you know other places where wives of cds congregate online, you could share about this forum with them.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 –
13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.


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#3
(05-31-2019, 02:38 AM)Barnabas Wrote: Karen, I'm sorry that more wives have not responded to you. At least we can be grateful for the wives prayer group which is working well.
Give it time. It will take time for more people to find the blog and register on the forum, but I know that those wives are out there. If you know other places where wives of cds congregate online, you could share about this forum with them.

No problem!  I look forward to when we have more interaction and more wives involved, but it takes time.  Thanks for checking in, Barnabas.   Smile
Life is hard, but God is good. 
             - Pam Thum
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#4
Hello, I am needing prayer, I am sttruggling, which seems to be the norm. I cant trust my husband because he has continually looking at CD, trans, and bondage porn images on the internet. He also looks at women’s clothing. He does not act as though he was sorry or trying to change in the past, and obviously he still wants to look at those things. I am sickened thinking about him looking at those things. Since he is a truck driver its easy to have time to look at those things. I pray all the time about it, whether to say something or just keep praying. Or just to be done with him all together?? When I first learned about this issue with him, I found some disturbing emails, and text messages on his account. Since there has been some strides in the right direction, we go to church, he reads the bible here and there. He goes to church when he’s home, but is still looking at this garbage. Please just pray thank you.
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#5
Quaintrelle, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Have you read this post yet? It will help you to understand your husband better - http://www.healingfromcrossdressing.org/...ed-person/

What you are going through is very tough. I and others in this community would love to pray for you and give you any advice you might need. Am I understanding rightly that you know about his CD, but you've never talked about it together?

I will pray for you right now. Cling to Jesus, he is the only one who can give you the real comfort you need!
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 –
13 Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 14 Do everything in love.


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#6
quaintrelle, I'm so sorry for what you are going through! I can relate - my husband does not plan to give up his full, public crossdressing. It is so hard to trust --- actually, I'm thinking we should NOT trust ---- when they are not willing to make an attempt to stop the deception. As far as what to do: you've covered the options well. I've chosen to stay in my marriage and let my husband know how I feel. I have no contact with anything to do with his crossdressing (though of course in small ways it's always present), and he respects that I don't want that, so tries to keep things out of my sight. In as many ways as possible we work to make our marriage stronger. Somehow it is working, although it is certainly not the marriage I wanted. It's not a bad marriage. What you do, how you handle your situation has to be your decision. Everyone is different. I will be praying for you to have clear insights, for you to have peace of mind and heart, and for your marriage to be healed. In Jesus' name!
Life is hard, but God is good. 
             - Pam Thum
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